he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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