so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
