you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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