So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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