i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Boobs are out for the taking
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
