Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
