I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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