dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
