My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize