So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
birth control should be required to get into college
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
