Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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