So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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