i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize