I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
