Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
