quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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