I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
