You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
