She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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