Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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