you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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