if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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