Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize