I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
