His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't turn off my feet"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
