Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
