hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
