Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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