Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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