his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
