dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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