I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
