I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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