I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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