I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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