it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
two words...techno handjob
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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