when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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