Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
