y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
