I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize