bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
