I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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