if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
