omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
