At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize