Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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