Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
