As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
