Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
