It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
