I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
