twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just gift wrapped bread.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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