I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
