I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
