Don't make out with my wife yet
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
