please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
