UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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