Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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