i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize