He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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