I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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