Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
