it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if only i could text you this smell
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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