So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
