Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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