i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
