Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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