can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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