She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
