I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
