SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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